thursday night

Just as David and i left the work parking lot to go get Charlotte (yes, i decided to pick her up early), a skerry of black clouds blew through bringing a blustery wind that filmmakers would have killed for. I absolutely loved it and was admiring the setting as i walked through the parking lot, getting to the truck just as the hail started. Apparently the weather caused severe accidents on interstate 81, and this morning everyone has tales of what they did while stuck in traffic.

I love having Charlotte back; it was fun to drive her again. David and i had planned to make dinner at home, but as conversation turned to more emotional matters, he was brilliant and suggested going out. We sat at Szcheuan and talked, enjoyed the dinner, and afterward i read to him a bit from my journal. One of the things that is interesting about our relationship is that he and i don't do The Debate Thing. We don't talk about current events or the weather oranything else that really doesn't have anything to do with us. We interact, and it's so wonderful that we have a whole host of movies and shows that we haven't been able to get through because we keep hitting the pause button and end up talking for hours.

At one point David said something about not looking forward to when we got to the point that we were actually competing over something. I laughed and agreed, and then we both looked at each other. I doubt it will ever happen, even though it usually does with most couples: we revel in each other's successes and stregnth too much. How cool is that?

weakly update

I’ve been busy enough in my real life that I haven’t done much in the online one. Honest, back in the day (you know, like, up until July) I used to do all sort of stuff. I read a book a day, watched a new show or movie, updated the blog, played online games, wrote long emails to friends; it seemed my free time was not only endless, but at times a bit too much to figure.

Now, I have a job, a wonderful boyfriend, and I hardly ever log in. When I do, it’s most often simply to play music while cooking or cleaning or playing with the boys (Tuesday night at dinner I had Enya playing. David looked at me askance and said confusedly “I didn’t know you had pretty music.”) In the last two nights I’ve slept more than I usually do in a whole week, and more contentedly than I have in years.

Saturday I went to the pistol competition with David and Morris. There were tons of people there, and I had a ball. They have stages set up with objectives, and my favorite was the house (with thugs and hostages and doorways, o my). I wasn’t shooting (duh) but really enjoyed watching how people chose to solve the problem set up. I also managed to find a pistol that fits Perfectly in my hand, and so far it tops the list of what I want to buy. It will be at least six months before I can afford one, so I have plenty of time to shop around. Until then, I’ll keep shooting the .22. I’m hoping maybe I can convince Rob to come up this spring and go out shooting with me. Perhaps by then I’ll be a decent shot.

On the way home after the shoot, we stopped to pick up Charlotte. Her starter finally gave up the ghost, and after David did The Man Thing to get her running, we dropped her directly at Wayne’s. She’s ready, but I’m broke, so picking her up will have to wait until Monday. Fortunately, she loves hanging out trading tales with Bev’s H2.

I drink too much, so I have given away the rest of the wine (no, i haven't quit smoking yet -- one thing at a time, here). It’s not as big a deal not to kick back with a glass as I thought it would be. Gabriel and I have been watching Lost with hot tea instead, and occasionally some chips and homemade salsa. On Tuesday night I was doing just that when I got to speak to Jules for the first time in months. She’s disappointed that she won’t be able to join us for paintball on Saturday, but Allen will, and I’m looking forward to it. She and I talked for over an hour, updating each other.

I told her the story about the keychain the Beretta rep slipped into my hand at the pistol competition. As a sentence, it took nearly fifteen minutes to ferret that one out (Wait: You were at a shoot? You’re dating a competition shooter? I thought you said he is a biologist. And: You were talking to a gun rep? I thought she might faint) before I got to the point. As the rep passed the keychain to me, he said “I gave you two because I know that if I only gave you one, your husband would come over and kick my ass.” I smiled and looked him in the eye and said “Yes. He would.” That has been giggle fodder for days. (And yes, it was totally sincere, not just a funny line. And weirdly enough, I really like that.) Even though we aren’t going to be able to get together this weekend, we have it on the books to find a Saturday afternoon-evening real soon to have a double date.

I really like my job and things seem to be progressing nicely. I’m still waiting on final word of being permanent, but I'm willing to be patient for this one. Yesterday kn0w1 and I went and gave our final depositions downtown. The only thing that remains is for it to go in front of the judge, which should happen this morning. It was long enough in the making, but I feel good about having this relegated out of circuit court and put into the realm of J&D where it belongs. On the way out, I discovered a new little place, ostensibly a flower shop, but with all sorts of plants and candles and décor items. It’s perfectly charming, filled with tons of things that no one would ever need (monogrammed soap, even!). kn0w1 was sweet enough to indulge me and let me browse to my heart’s content.

And yes, my heart is completely content these days.

who knew?

Yesterday I went to a shooting range with David. He shot his .40 and I shot the .22 (I shot the .40 once, but the .22 is way more fun). At 25 yards, I managed to hit the target and at 7 yards I hit the black circle 4 times. I hit a bull’s-eye in David’s target (a bit to the left of mine), but he then proceeded to put several rounds right through my little spot. I have the target hanging in my cube and smile every time I look at it.

I can’t wait to go shoot again.

not so lost

today i had a work meeting at one of the Other Locations (we seem to be spread far and wide across Salem, an area, which otherwise seems quite small to me). Being directionall challenged in an extreme and lamentable way, and David being the cool guy he is, he offered to take me on a lunch drive-by reconaissance so i could be certain i would be able to get there frazzle-free.

as if that weren't cool enough, after we had accomplished the mission, he suggested walking around the farmer's market and picking up some fruit or suchlike for lunch. [He knows i don't eat much when i'm nervous, and nervous i was, since i was pretty certain this would be a conversation about where my job is going.] While we were browsing the fruits and vegetables, he kinda-sorta steered us past a display of flowers for sale and told me to choose one. i so totally beamed and felt wonderfuldippy-sweet-sparkly-tender-treasured-true. i chose the small bunch of wildflowers with the purple-tipped white ones in the blue vase, and then two ginger gold apples. Back at work, we sat and talked while we ate apples before getting out of the jeep. He told me he believes i am talented and cometent and that any company would be well-served to have me on board. Moments like this are usually only dreamed of, and it was Just Right before heading into a big office.

Once in the office a couple hours later, Doug and I clarified what my needs are, what he sees as my benefits to the company, where he saw us going from here. it was nice to hear that i am seen as an asset. We spent longer than i thought we would, and the conversation felt as strong as imported coffee and just as stimulating. it was refreshing to have a dicsussion about my tasks that didn't involve shuffling paper one focused on ideas, the benefits and results thereof.

{confession: when Doug asked me what i wanted, i had to turn my head and bite my tongue for a split second, since what wanted to fall out of my mouth was, "to stay home and raise a brood of children with a man i love, trust, respect and admire and who feels the same way about me." but that's the estrogen talking.}

as we were wrapping up, conversation turned to more mundane but personal topics, such as food and height (he is vegan and taller for a man than i am tall for a woman), photographs, mistakes, and how sometimes we get the best things when we aren't actively looking for them. he promised to drop by our blanket at tomorrow's picnic and tell the boys how wonderful the food is.1. i might have found the right team at long last.

When I got back to my desk, the flowers were there, greeting me cheerily. Even though I felt strong, i felt treasured and appreciated, too. I like this. I feel more myself than i have in years, possibly lifetimes.

1Even though the picnic is catered, the focus is on omnivores and we veggies tend to be left out. Long ago i realized the wisdom of always packing food for the boys and myself. We will take our own fare as a way to ensure that we can enjoy the festivities and conversation as well as the food.

lost

Michael loaned me the first season of Lost, swearing i would "be hooked in the first minute." While that has proved far from true, it has raised a few interesting questions and some food for thought (honestly, after the first episode i find the whole thing to be some far-fetched marriage of jurassic park and lord of the flies, and the acting directing and writing are predictable, but that's not important right now).

Question: You're on a plane that is going to crash on some random deserted, possibly uncarted island with lurking beasties who will maul you (but of course leave enough of a corpse to be horrific and gruesome to the cameras, probably suspended in a tree and at a werid angle). Forty-eight passengers will survive. Name five people you would like to have on the flight with you. List why you would like to have them, even if they might not be amongst the living; list the merits and liabilities of each personality if they are a survivor; and list what you think is the greatest contribution each would make, a galvinizing strength, if you will (even if it's just a better caliber of acting ability).

Me? I don't fly any more. I haven't flown in years, and the last time i flew (august 2001) was under great duress. I talked my coworkers into taking a rental car back from Jersey. Oops. i forgot about the trip to Ontario this past December. but then, it wasn't particulalry memorable.

proof that i'm Gen X

i know we're supposed to take everything So Seriously, but i couldn't help but laugh when i read the article at CNN. honest, i had such a Kids In The Hall moment when i read that hussein threatened to "crush our heads." i pictured him looking at the court with his fingers close to his face, pinching them together. it's hard to take terrorist threats seriously under those circumstances.

the weekend

My Guy and i have spent some Serious TIme together over the last few days. He showed me a creek. i found an anatomically-correct heart-shaped stone. i smell of wood smoke. We have talked, played, loved and said nothing at all. We've had pizza and walked the neighborhood. We got mud on the tires and the rest of the truck, too. We bought popcorn at the Grandin and took it home to watch a movie. I think we set a record by watching nearly twenty minutes of Boondock Saints before hitting the pause button and talking the night away. I feel as though i'm on vacation.

yesterday

yesterday was perfect. it didn't start out that way, and honestly it only got worse from there. but then i spent some time well wasted.

And there's no way I'd trade a few more dollars or things crossed off my list
For a day I'll never forget
No I didn't get a thing done
But I sure soaked up every minute of the memory we were makin'
And I count it all as time well wasted

blame it on holly

yesterday i loaned holly my iPod while i was at work so she could listen to some trace adkins. in return, she told me about the song I'll take you back, which had me cackling in recognition. In return, i'm downloading One More Minute, which i'll share with her tomorrow. The real gem in the album so far is actually Rainin' You, a song that speaks to my soul.

Holly and i have created a weird friendship, based more on hit-and-run moments than anything. I say good morning to her, she says hi back, and it's always heartfelt. We don't talk much, but especially when we talk about music, i can tell we are talking to kindred spirits. if i could afford it, i'd buy her an iPod (yes, tiger, you come first; no worries).

On Ice Cream Day, Holly and i were both sitting in the foyer lameting that the truck was late. She asked me about the flowers i had received that day, and i confessed that i'm a total space cadet, since she had received rosees just the week before and i had never in my whole life received a dozen roses of any color, let alone red. she had received a dozen from her ex boyfriend the week before, and when i was called downstairs, karen was busy talking with three other folks (a common situation). I motioned to karen, asking what was it i had left at her desk and she pointed to the flowers. I honestly thought "oh no. not richard again," and was on my way up to get holly when Karen got my attention and pointed, significantly, to the dozen lovely red roses on the file cabinet beside her. My first thought was "I don't even know Richard." Honest.

When i told holly this, she just about had a giggle fit. It was a good moment, and made up for not having had iced cream in spades.

note: since then i have received yet another dozen, this time copper peace roses. i have a boyfriend and he's amazing. i can honestly say i've never been happier in my whole life.

Obstruction of justice

Obstruction of justice: [def]

Fifteen months and twelve days ago I was drugged and brutally raped by a stranger. It began on a Sunday afternoon in a quiet café and ended in unfamiliar surrounding smelling of cat urine, unfamiliar man sweat and my own blood. Upon recovery, I left without bathing, did not bathe for untold hours, and went directly to the authorities, where I explained as best I could the circumstances of the violation of my self which had transpired.

I have given the detective my attacker’s name, license plate number and address. I have described his physical characteristics and submitted to over twelve hours of data collection, which included not only the culling of my most intimate bodily parts but also the probing of my intimate personal history. What stands on record is considered by the Commonwealth to be not only sufficient but compelling evidence for a warrant in a case of rape. I am not a victim; I am a material witness. If I chose to withhold my knowledge of this crime, i would be found in contempt of court. How is it that withholding my evidence from the scrutiny of prosecution is not equally criminal? Is it possible to hold one's goevernment in contempt?

There exists between the state and the citizen a contract: I will submit to the governing laws of the land and their procedures and they will in turn prosecute offenders with all due good conscience and in a timely manner; such is the whole basis for statutes of limitation. In return for this contract, I wave my medieval recourse to vendetta. If the government breaks its contract with the governed, what recourse but vendetta do we have to ensure we remain protected and served?

soup night, once again

last night Jax and mags visited for dinner, a revisiting of the long-standing, yet long-neglected Soup Night. It was nice to have family about, and after dinner (chili made by Tiger and Dragon) and bread and fries (made by Jax), there was story time, romping time, bed time and then two rounds of cards. by the time we said our goodbyes, it was well past two, and despite being tired this morning i was happy.

Best parts: giggling. when did it happen that i laugh so much and so easily? it's wonderful.

we talked about scheduling a Soup Night in the future with the whole Household, including some new inductees. Soup, food, fun, and a film (currently scheduled to be a reshowing of The Knight's Tale as some folk have managed not to see this yet -- imagine!). If you ahve a favorite night, don't hesitate to let me know. I'd like to see this some time in late September or early October. Probably a Sunday would work best, i'm thinking.