note to self

as a parent, i need to remember these words that every adult child needs to hear:

you are wise you are warm you are courageous you are big
and i love you more now than i ever have in my whole life

[many thanks to alanis for writing them]

random thoughts on a rainy day

Does cloned meat and its related products count as vegetarian? somehow i doubt it. No matter what, it's morbid and creepifying.

It's been rainy and grey all day and is supposed to continue. I am loving the autumnal weather and listening to Morphine, grooving on the saxaphone (as ever). Not only do i love sax, but it makes me think of Jaime. Why is it that she and i don't share an office again? I miss her terribly.

There are a few friends i made ten years ago who have been particularly wonderful in my life: jaime, johnny, jennifer. interestingly enough, i haven't spoken to any of them lately and i'm feeling the hole. Even though i have other friends, these Library Pals just can't be replaced. Julie definitely is on the list (these are friends that begin with 'j'), and our opposite schedules along with an hour commute aren't helping us get in touch. Rob is from nearly a decade before the library year, and whenever i hear Morphine i remeber that visit to Minneapoilis when we prowled around uptown and somehow it always seems the last time in my life before i was a Grown Up. I miss him too, and hope he's doing well in Ecuador. Why dont' we write more often? The universe is telling me to put in a bit more effort, i think.

October is pumpkin-carving time, the first of which happened that fateful library year, and i have no idea what became of the pictures of us on the steps with our little pumpkins, but it was fun and creative and connecting.

October is a time when i tend to get reflective (the weather helps) and evaluate where i am in life and where i want to go. I'm wrapping up some loose ends in my world, getting rid of things and relationships that Simply Don't Work, and investing more of myself into what does. Like the wind on an October night, it cuts deeply, but feels cool crisp and clean.

book swap

I loaned Jeff Last Call and he brought in Lamb for me.
Yesterday i loaned The Stolen Child to Caitlin.

It's good to be swapping books around again.

girls' lunch

introduced Holly to wildflour 4th street today and had a ball talking and chatting. Named her truck, and will keep you updated on if the name sticks, but i have a feeling it likely will.

tonight i'm heading to Caitlin's to hang out for a bit with some other work folk and then i'm going back home to enjoy reading and the covers in the chilly, truly autumnal air. i'm loving the cold snap that has come through. i can tell the snow is on its way but not here yet, and these are days of crunching leaves and sipping hot chocolate.

awareness

I stayed up way too late last night, thinking without drinking (other than tea, that is); not a great combination, as it leads to remembering.

I have a great many flaws, but I truly don’t believe I am flawed. It’s a fine distinction, but an important one to me. I am proud of who I am even though I’m not always proud of what I have done.

weekend

Paintball this weekend was a brilliantly good time. David and I picked up Morris and Michael on the way out of town and met up with Jeff, Curtis, Mike and Allen at the site. My favorite game was the one with the fort with the maze, and Jeff and I defended quite a bit form behind the tires the second time we played. It was way more fun than I imagined, and the problem-solving elements of the whole thing were a blast. Next time we are getting enough people to go that we can have our own teams. Jules, this means you.

Then last night I watched the first few episodes in the second half of Battlestar Glactica season two. I am so hooked. Spending a relaxing Sunday in front of some basic tv. after journaling is quite satisfying. This morning’s October weather came in clear and calm, bringing with it possibly the best morning ever.