Bullets and Bubblebath

Bullets and bubblebath: either way, your day is bound to improve.

Yup, that’s what was on my shopping list on Sunday morning. Nothing else. And even though I knew I would be going into Wal-Mart (by myself, of my own accord, mind you) for the first, I just couldn’t bring myself to buy anything else there.

Yes, it would have been more convenient. Yes, I probably would have had a greater selection. Yes, I probably would have paid less for whatever I finally chose. But I’m telling you I just had to get out of there. It was bad enough that there were the televisions (everywhere!) broadcasting the Wal-Mart network, the people (everywhere!) hacking and coughing and providing all sorts of fodder for the Petri dish air I was breathing. But then there was the guy standing next to the rifle display. He nearly got a woodie when I asked for .45 caliber, and then practically fell over when I said “two boxes.”

[David and a bunch of folks from work all went shooting on Saturday morning. We shot skeet first, and then moved to the rifle range where I single-handedly went through a hundred rounds with the pistol. The best part was the tennis ball, bar none. I felt kinda bad about using so much ammo, so I decided to get some to replace it and a box for next time. Who knew I would love shooting so much?]

Drooling-Wal-Mart-Guy started to follow me down the aisle after I paid, and I couldn’t help myself: I turned around and stared at him until he went away.

In Kroger, I never did find exactly the right smelling bubblebath. Everything was too. . . plastic-ish. But never mind. Afterward, kn0w1 and tree and I had a nice lunch together. She commented on the fact that I am indeed now carrying an actual purse-like thing, and heard that I went to a salon to have my hair done. [It’s true, but only because I had a snarl that was heading to Dred-land.]

I confess: it was nice.

wow. the holidaze

it was a busy little break, yes it was. starting the saturday before Thanksgiving, i began the great move to the country. the boys and i had beds set up, a washer and dryer in place and a couch and a piano and even some food in the house, all thanks to the pick-ups&muscle brigade. there were many laughs, only a few scrapes, and overall everyone is pretty happy.

the kittens have joined us in the country and gabriel is joining his "cousins" over a different mountain altogether for a bit. all in all, i think the relocation is for the best.

Over the holiday itself, the boys and i cooked all sorts of weird but wonderful things, beginning with cookies and ending with a double-layer orange cake with cream cheese frosting and tangerine wedges for decoration. While not moving or playing or cooking, i managed to read quite a bit. I finished up Lamb and returned it to Jffn. Man, it is on the Highly Recommended list. Then i delved into some Terry Pratchett that had been lying around: The Amazing Maurice and His Highly Educated Rodents (which Tiger read the day after i finished with it), The Colour of Magic, and The Light Fantastic. I'm just now starting Sourcery, finishing up the Rincewind set. I'm in love with the Luggage.

thanks for your support

kn0w1 sent along a string of pictures entitled "why you shouldn't get drunk." i think i might tape them to the inside of the wine cabinet as a supportive reminder to my resolutions. :)

it was a good weekend, filled with food, reading, a bit of cleaning (hey, can't go crazy here) and all-in-all a good and restive time with the boys. i interrupted the mildly-depressing-but-well-written The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter for the cosmically hysterical and well-written Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal [many thanks to jffn for lending this to me]. Honestly, anyone can enjoy it, but the deeper your Judeo-Christian educations runs, the more you will appreciate the depth to which this humor is crafted. In fact, it might well be the cornerstone of my curriculum of the whole last millineum as far as the boys are concerned (yes, it's that good). I read over half of it in the past two days and can't wait to finish it up tonight.

a change in the weather

Funny enough, I seem to have been doing fairly well on the resolutions (which I was just reminded of this morning). While far from perfect, my progress is a far cry form the usual “hey, neat idea; shame it didn’t work” results I’ve been getting over the past few years. The smoking is still occasional, but truly rare. Who has time to drink anymore? And even a single hard cider over cheesy fries is enough to make me all nappish.

The house I was looking at has a boundary issue, which is a real show-stopper for me, but the good news is that I know what I qualify for (even though it’s a pittance) and have begun the process of finding where I’m going. The boys and I haven’t hiked yet, though we have taken some walks in a more urban(e?) setting. Yesterday during the school holiday I ended up renewing my library card and rediscovering the online catalog we have in the valley. We each took home a movie (mine is Snow Falling on Cedars, which I haven’t watched yet) and Dragon and I each found a book we just couldn’t live without (mine? The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter -- hard to believe I’ve never read it, but there you have it).

Overall, it’s really about having goals and become a legitimate person at long last. The simplifying isn’t happening yet at the visible level, but I can feel it percolating around in the ether, and I see things differently. I am actively looking forward to the donation stack that is forming in my mind, even though it will mean a ton of work, mostly involving carrying stuff down the stairs. The only good part of moving All Those Books will be using the cat to scan them in to Library Thing when I unpack them. Wherever that might be.

The time has come for the boys to have separate rooms, and that’s the biggest factor in finding a place to live: three bedrooms, not just two, and preferably a house so that we can keep the pets. It’s not easy, and anything we can afford will likely mean a serious increase in the petrol bill to accommodate a commute. But it will be my life, and that’s what matters.

I feel more alive that I ever have in my whole life.

resolutions

this is the new year to me, so i thought i'd post some resolutions:

• drink less
• quit smoking
• eat dinner together at home more often
• hike together
• move house
• simplify, including possessions, expenses, expectations

i know, as a list goes, this lacks originality in the extreme. but it's mine, and i mean it.

back

i'm back in communication again, and let me tell you, i had An Excellent Time.

just for starters. . .
I drove a tractor, and fed horses and went bowling and got just a little bit better with the .22 and figured out that the Springfield 1911 is too heavy for me to carry but found a Colt model at the gun show and really like it (my wallet doesn't, but it's not like i'll be buying anything anytime soon) and learned to play some weird-but-cool fighting game on the Xbox and some driving game (that he said was just like passengering with me) and watched something called Bean which made me laugh until my sides ached. i made minestrone soup on one night and he made manacotti on another (and MAN can he cook!!) and we talked and laughed and loved and lived and gracious sakes the time simply flew by.

note to self

as a parent, i need to remember these words that every adult child needs to hear:

you are wise you are warm you are courageous you are big
and i love you more now than i ever have in my whole life

[many thanks to alanis for writing them]

random thoughts on a rainy day

Does cloned meat and its related products count as vegetarian? somehow i doubt it. No matter what, it's morbid and creepifying.

It's been rainy and grey all day and is supposed to continue. I am loving the autumnal weather and listening to Morphine, grooving on the saxaphone (as ever). Not only do i love sax, but it makes me think of Jaime. Why is it that she and i don't share an office again? I miss her terribly.

There are a few friends i made ten years ago who have been particularly wonderful in my life: jaime, johnny, jennifer. interestingly enough, i haven't spoken to any of them lately and i'm feeling the hole. Even though i have other friends, these Library Pals just can't be replaced. Julie definitely is on the list (these are friends that begin with 'j'), and our opposite schedules along with an hour commute aren't helping us get in touch. Rob is from nearly a decade before the library year, and whenever i hear Morphine i remeber that visit to Minneapoilis when we prowled around uptown and somehow it always seems the last time in my life before i was a Grown Up. I miss him too, and hope he's doing well in Ecuador. Why dont' we write more often? The universe is telling me to put in a bit more effort, i think.

October is pumpkin-carving time, the first of which happened that fateful library year, and i have no idea what became of the pictures of us on the steps with our little pumpkins, but it was fun and creative and connecting.

October is a time when i tend to get reflective (the weather helps) and evaluate where i am in life and where i want to go. I'm wrapping up some loose ends in my world, getting rid of things and relationships that Simply Don't Work, and investing more of myself into what does. Like the wind on an October night, it cuts deeply, but feels cool crisp and clean.

book swap

I loaned Jeff Last Call and he brought in Lamb for me.
Yesterday i loaned The Stolen Child to Caitlin.

It's good to be swapping books around again.

girls' lunch

introduced Holly to wildflour 4th street today and had a ball talking and chatting. Named her truck, and will keep you updated on if the name sticks, but i have a feeling it likely will.

tonight i'm heading to Caitlin's to hang out for a bit with some other work folk and then i'm going back home to enjoy reading and the covers in the chilly, truly autumnal air. i'm loving the cold snap that has come through. i can tell the snow is on its way but not here yet, and these are days of crunching leaves and sipping hot chocolate.

awareness

I stayed up way too late last night, thinking without drinking (other than tea, that is); not a great combination, as it leads to remembering.

I have a great many flaws, but I truly don’t believe I am flawed. It’s a fine distinction, but an important one to me. I am proud of who I am even though I’m not always proud of what I have done.

weekend

Paintball this weekend was a brilliantly good time. David and I picked up Morris and Michael on the way out of town and met up with Jeff, Curtis, Mike and Allen at the site. My favorite game was the one with the fort with the maze, and Jeff and I defended quite a bit form behind the tires the second time we played. It was way more fun than I imagined, and the problem-solving elements of the whole thing were a blast. Next time we are getting enough people to go that we can have our own teams. Jules, this means you.

Then last night I watched the first few episodes in the second half of Battlestar Glactica season two. I am so hooked. Spending a relaxing Sunday in front of some basic tv. after journaling is quite satisfying. This morning’s October weather came in clear and calm, bringing with it possibly the best morning ever.

thursday night

Just as David and i left the work parking lot to go get Charlotte (yes, i decided to pick her up early), a skerry of black clouds blew through bringing a blustery wind that filmmakers would have killed for. I absolutely loved it and was admiring the setting as i walked through the parking lot, getting to the truck just as the hail started. Apparently the weather caused severe accidents on interstate 81, and this morning everyone has tales of what they did while stuck in traffic.

I love having Charlotte back; it was fun to drive her again. David and i had planned to make dinner at home, but as conversation turned to more emotional matters, he was brilliant and suggested going out. We sat at Szcheuan and talked, enjoyed the dinner, and afterward i read to him a bit from my journal. One of the things that is interesting about our relationship is that he and i don't do The Debate Thing. We don't talk about current events or the weather oranything else that really doesn't have anything to do with us. We interact, and it's so wonderful that we have a whole host of movies and shows that we haven't been able to get through because we keep hitting the pause button and end up talking for hours.

At one point David said something about not looking forward to when we got to the point that we were actually competing over something. I laughed and agreed, and then we both looked at each other. I doubt it will ever happen, even though it usually does with most couples: we revel in each other's successes and stregnth too much. How cool is that?

weakly update

I’ve been busy enough in my real life that I haven’t done much in the online one. Honest, back in the day (you know, like, up until July) I used to do all sort of stuff. I read a book a day, watched a new show or movie, updated the blog, played online games, wrote long emails to friends; it seemed my free time was not only endless, but at times a bit too much to figure.

Now, I have a job, a wonderful boyfriend, and I hardly ever log in. When I do, it’s most often simply to play music while cooking or cleaning or playing with the boys (Tuesday night at dinner I had Enya playing. David looked at me askance and said confusedly “I didn’t know you had pretty music.”) In the last two nights I’ve slept more than I usually do in a whole week, and more contentedly than I have in years.

Saturday I went to the pistol competition with David and Morris. There were tons of people there, and I had a ball. They have stages set up with objectives, and my favorite was the house (with thugs and hostages and doorways, o my). I wasn’t shooting (duh) but really enjoyed watching how people chose to solve the problem set up. I also managed to find a pistol that fits Perfectly in my hand, and so far it tops the list of what I want to buy. It will be at least six months before I can afford one, so I have plenty of time to shop around. Until then, I’ll keep shooting the .22. I’m hoping maybe I can convince Rob to come up this spring and go out shooting with me. Perhaps by then I’ll be a decent shot.

On the way home after the shoot, we stopped to pick up Charlotte. Her starter finally gave up the ghost, and after David did The Man Thing to get her running, we dropped her directly at Wayne’s. She’s ready, but I’m broke, so picking her up will have to wait until Monday. Fortunately, she loves hanging out trading tales with Bev’s H2.

I drink too much, so I have given away the rest of the wine (no, i haven't quit smoking yet -- one thing at a time, here). It’s not as big a deal not to kick back with a glass as I thought it would be. Gabriel and I have been watching Lost with hot tea instead, and occasionally some chips and homemade salsa. On Tuesday night I was doing just that when I got to speak to Jules for the first time in months. She’s disappointed that she won’t be able to join us for paintball on Saturday, but Allen will, and I’m looking forward to it. She and I talked for over an hour, updating each other.

I told her the story about the keychain the Beretta rep slipped into my hand at the pistol competition. As a sentence, it took nearly fifteen minutes to ferret that one out (Wait: You were at a shoot? You’re dating a competition shooter? I thought you said he is a biologist. And: You were talking to a gun rep? I thought she might faint) before I got to the point. As the rep passed the keychain to me, he said “I gave you two because I know that if I only gave you one, your husband would come over and kick my ass.” I smiled and looked him in the eye and said “Yes. He would.” That has been giggle fodder for days. (And yes, it was totally sincere, not just a funny line. And weirdly enough, I really like that.) Even though we aren’t going to be able to get together this weekend, we have it on the books to find a Saturday afternoon-evening real soon to have a double date.

I really like my job and things seem to be progressing nicely. I’m still waiting on final word of being permanent, but I'm willing to be patient for this one. Yesterday kn0w1 and I went and gave our final depositions downtown. The only thing that remains is for it to go in front of the judge, which should happen this morning. It was long enough in the making, but I feel good about having this relegated out of circuit court and put into the realm of J&D where it belongs. On the way out, I discovered a new little place, ostensibly a flower shop, but with all sorts of plants and candles and décor items. It’s perfectly charming, filled with tons of things that no one would ever need (monogrammed soap, even!). kn0w1 was sweet enough to indulge me and let me browse to my heart’s content.

And yes, my heart is completely content these days.

who knew?

Yesterday I went to a shooting range with David. He shot his .40 and I shot the .22 (I shot the .40 once, but the .22 is way more fun). At 25 yards, I managed to hit the target and at 7 yards I hit the black circle 4 times. I hit a bull’s-eye in David’s target (a bit to the left of mine), but he then proceeded to put several rounds right through my little spot. I have the target hanging in my cube and smile every time I look at it.

I can’t wait to go shoot again.

not so lost

today i had a work meeting at one of the Other Locations (we seem to be spread far and wide across Salem, an area, which otherwise seems quite small to me). Being directionall challenged in an extreme and lamentable way, and David being the cool guy he is, he offered to take me on a lunch drive-by reconaissance so i could be certain i would be able to get there frazzle-free.

as if that weren't cool enough, after we had accomplished the mission, he suggested walking around the farmer's market and picking up some fruit or suchlike for lunch. [He knows i don't eat much when i'm nervous, and nervous i was, since i was pretty certain this would be a conversation about where my job is going.] While we were browsing the fruits and vegetables, he kinda-sorta steered us past a display of flowers for sale and told me to choose one. i so totally beamed and felt wonderfuldippy-sweet-sparkly-tender-treasured-true. i chose the small bunch of wildflowers with the purple-tipped white ones in the blue vase, and then two ginger gold apples. Back at work, we sat and talked while we ate apples before getting out of the jeep. He told me he believes i am talented and cometent and that any company would be well-served to have me on board. Moments like this are usually only dreamed of, and it was Just Right before heading into a big office.

Once in the office a couple hours later, Doug and I clarified what my needs are, what he sees as my benefits to the company, where he saw us going from here. it was nice to hear that i am seen as an asset. We spent longer than i thought we would, and the conversation felt as strong as imported coffee and just as stimulating. it was refreshing to have a dicsussion about my tasks that didn't involve shuffling paper one focused on ideas, the benefits and results thereof.

{confession: when Doug asked me what i wanted, i had to turn my head and bite my tongue for a split second, since what wanted to fall out of my mouth was, "to stay home and raise a brood of children with a man i love, trust, respect and admire and who feels the same way about me." but that's the estrogen talking.}

as we were wrapping up, conversation turned to more mundane but personal topics, such as food and height (he is vegan and taller for a man than i am tall for a woman), photographs, mistakes, and how sometimes we get the best things when we aren't actively looking for them. he promised to drop by our blanket at tomorrow's picnic and tell the boys how wonderful the food is.1. i might have found the right team at long last.

When I got back to my desk, the flowers were there, greeting me cheerily. Even though I felt strong, i felt treasured and appreciated, too. I like this. I feel more myself than i have in years, possibly lifetimes.

1Even though the picnic is catered, the focus is on omnivores and we veggies tend to be left out. Long ago i realized the wisdom of always packing food for the boys and myself. We will take our own fare as a way to ensure that we can enjoy the festivities and conversation as well as the food.

lost

Michael loaned me the first season of Lost, swearing i would "be hooked in the first minute." While that has proved far from true, it has raised a few interesting questions and some food for thought (honestly, after the first episode i find the whole thing to be some far-fetched marriage of jurassic park and lord of the flies, and the acting directing and writing are predictable, but that's not important right now).

Question: You're on a plane that is going to crash on some random deserted, possibly uncarted island with lurking beasties who will maul you (but of course leave enough of a corpse to be horrific and gruesome to the cameras, probably suspended in a tree and at a werid angle). Forty-eight passengers will survive. Name five people you would like to have on the flight with you. List why you would like to have them, even if they might not be amongst the living; list the merits and liabilities of each personality if they are a survivor; and list what you think is the greatest contribution each would make, a galvinizing strength, if you will (even if it's just a better caliber of acting ability).

Me? I don't fly any more. I haven't flown in years, and the last time i flew (august 2001) was under great duress. I talked my coworkers into taking a rental car back from Jersey. Oops. i forgot about the trip to Ontario this past December. but then, it wasn't particulalry memorable.

proof that i'm Gen X

i know we're supposed to take everything So Seriously, but i couldn't help but laugh when i read the article at CNN. honest, i had such a Kids In The Hall moment when i read that hussein threatened to "crush our heads." i pictured him looking at the court with his fingers close to his face, pinching them together. it's hard to take terrorist threats seriously under those circumstances.

the weekend

My Guy and i have spent some Serious TIme together over the last few days. He showed me a creek. i found an anatomically-correct heart-shaped stone. i smell of wood smoke. We have talked, played, loved and said nothing at all. We've had pizza and walked the neighborhood. We got mud on the tires and the rest of the truck, too. We bought popcorn at the Grandin and took it home to watch a movie. I think we set a record by watching nearly twenty minutes of Boondock Saints before hitting the pause button and talking the night away. I feel as though i'm on vacation.

yesterday

yesterday was perfect. it didn't start out that way, and honestly it only got worse from there. but then i spent some time well wasted.

And there's no way I'd trade a few more dollars or things crossed off my list
For a day I'll never forget
No I didn't get a thing done
But I sure soaked up every minute of the memory we were makin'
And I count it all as time well wasted

blame it on holly

yesterday i loaned holly my iPod while i was at work so she could listen to some trace adkins. in return, she told me about the song I'll take you back, which had me cackling in recognition. In return, i'm downloading One More Minute, which i'll share with her tomorrow. The real gem in the album so far is actually Rainin' You, a song that speaks to my soul.

Holly and i have created a weird friendship, based more on hit-and-run moments than anything. I say good morning to her, she says hi back, and it's always heartfelt. We don't talk much, but especially when we talk about music, i can tell we are talking to kindred spirits. if i could afford it, i'd buy her an iPod (yes, tiger, you come first; no worries).

On Ice Cream Day, Holly and i were both sitting in the foyer lameting that the truck was late. She asked me about the flowers i had received that day, and i confessed that i'm a total space cadet, since she had received rosees just the week before and i had never in my whole life received a dozen roses of any color, let alone red. she had received a dozen from her ex boyfriend the week before, and when i was called downstairs, karen was busy talking with three other folks (a common situation). I motioned to karen, asking what was it i had left at her desk and she pointed to the flowers. I honestly thought "oh no. not richard again," and was on my way up to get holly when Karen got my attention and pointed, significantly, to the dozen lovely red roses on the file cabinet beside her. My first thought was "I don't even know Richard." Honest.

When i told holly this, she just about had a giggle fit. It was a good moment, and made up for not having had iced cream in spades.

note: since then i have received yet another dozen, this time copper peace roses. i have a boyfriend and he's amazing. i can honestly say i've never been happier in my whole life.

Obstruction of justice

Obstruction of justice: [def]

Fifteen months and twelve days ago I was drugged and brutally raped by a stranger. It began on a Sunday afternoon in a quiet café and ended in unfamiliar surrounding smelling of cat urine, unfamiliar man sweat and my own blood. Upon recovery, I left without bathing, did not bathe for untold hours, and went directly to the authorities, where I explained as best I could the circumstances of the violation of my self which had transpired.

I have given the detective my attacker’s name, license plate number and address. I have described his physical characteristics and submitted to over twelve hours of data collection, which included not only the culling of my most intimate bodily parts but also the probing of my intimate personal history. What stands on record is considered by the Commonwealth to be not only sufficient but compelling evidence for a warrant in a case of rape. I am not a victim; I am a material witness. If I chose to withhold my knowledge of this crime, i would be found in contempt of court. How is it that withholding my evidence from the scrutiny of prosecution is not equally criminal? Is it possible to hold one's goevernment in contempt?

There exists between the state and the citizen a contract: I will submit to the governing laws of the land and their procedures and they will in turn prosecute offenders with all due good conscience and in a timely manner; such is the whole basis for statutes of limitation. In return for this contract, I wave my medieval recourse to vendetta. If the government breaks its contract with the governed, what recourse but vendetta do we have to ensure we remain protected and served?

soup night, once again

last night Jax and mags visited for dinner, a revisiting of the long-standing, yet long-neglected Soup Night. It was nice to have family about, and after dinner (chili made by Tiger and Dragon) and bread and fries (made by Jax), there was story time, romping time, bed time and then two rounds of cards. by the time we said our goodbyes, it was well past two, and despite being tired this morning i was happy.

Best parts: giggling. when did it happen that i laugh so much and so easily? it's wonderful.

we talked about scheduling a Soup Night in the future with the whole Household, including some new inductees. Soup, food, fun, and a film (currently scheduled to be a reshowing of The Knight's Tale as some folk have managed not to see this yet -- imagine!). If you ahve a favorite night, don't hesitate to let me know. I'd like to see this some time in late September or early October. Probably a Sunday would work best, i'm thinking.

many thanks

Many thanks to jax for listening to me ramble on last night into the wee hours of this morning, and especially for managing actually to follow the winding and twisted turns of my mind. [for the record, there is positively No One on our tail; our baffles are clear, sir.] i'm slowly unpacking, bag by bag. each bag is fetched because of a single item (first one: coffee; second one: face scrub. such are the priorities of my world.)

weird note: it seems my hair got noticably longer while i was away. or maybe my neck got shorter?

cut short, but not soon enough

I should have known the trip was a bad idea when I threw up. Less than an hour after crossing the North Carolina border, I turned to look at Phillip and tell him I didn’t feel well. I didn’t get that far, and ended up spewing all over myself and the seat. Gross.

That event started The Converstaion, which might be the shortest in history: a couple looks, and then stony silence reigned until we hit the motel. We unloaded, and old routines took over: check-in, a quick visit to the beach, a snack, sand everywhere. We didn’t get to make a first castle that night as the sun was setting, but we did make a bit of a sand mountain. [Confession: while Dragon and I were mounding it up, visions of Close Encounters kept coming to mind and I was hoping mashed potatoes wouldn’t be on the menu.]

Passive agression, arguments on the beach, avoidance off the beach, withdrawl, weird bug bites, riptides, total freak-out experiences, bickering. By the time Wednesday afternoon rolled around I had had more than enough. And that was just the adults. In fact, the boys were excellent and seemed to tolerate the adult shenanigans with a stoicism well beyond their years. The only real part of the vacation I enjoyed were the two trips to the Aquarium. It still manages to fascinate me.

At lunch I asked the boys how they would feel if I packed everything up, headed home and took them to a nice, civilized, over-populated, wholly-commercialized water park sometime next week. Cheers resounded and we did the dishes on our way out.

Storms aplenty raged on our drive back, taking frayed nerves and pushing them to the ludicrous point. Country music, funny phone calls, and dumb jokes helped, but let me assure that we are all of us qute glad to be back in Virginia and at home. The rest of our vacation is going to be spent laughing about That Damned Vacation.

Vacation Ernesto

i know that a few weeks ago i was practically begging for a hurricane, and now it looks as though i might get one. According to the National Hurricane Center, Hurricane Ernesto is predicted to take a sharp easterly turn once inside the Gulf, heading up the coast to visit the boys and me at the beach. it could be fun.

N.B: The National Hurricane Center noted that any predictions so far in advance are subject to a wide margin of error.

Last night i had weird and bizarre Lake Dreams, reflective, i suppose, of how my head isn't quite where it ought to be these past couple days. i was about to write in my journal just as Artsie brought in Yet Another Cicada, this one still flapping and buzzing about, albeit woundedly. Little Nibs thought this was grand and the two of them played with the poor thing until it finally gave up the ghost, somewhere under my bed. i confess i haven't gone in to fetch it just yet; i'm waiting for the ew! factor to diminish.

yet another reason to love iTunes

hey jules! i have found our song and have been blaring it (yelling Turn it up!) and thinking of you and of our men. it is high time we got together, sister. And i guess the men can come too, as long as they bring their pick up trucks.

Ladies love country boys
(This is for all you sophisticated ladies out there)

She grew up in the city in a little subdivision,
Her daddy wore a tie, Momma never fried a chicken,
Ballet, Straight A’s, Most likely to succeed

They bought her a car after graduation
Sent her down south for some higher education
Put her on the fast track to a law degree

Now she’s comin home to visit
holdin the hand
Of a wild-eyed boy
with a farmer’s tan

And shes ridin in the middle of his pickup truck
Blarin Charlie Daniels yellin, “Turn it up!”
They raised her up a lady
but there’s one thing they couldn’t avoid
Ladies love country boys

(You know its true)

Yeah, you know momma’s and daddy’s want better for their daughters
Hope they’ll settle down with a doctor or a lawyer
In their uptown, ball gown, hand-me-down royalty

They never understand
why their princess falls
For some camouflage britches
and a southern boy drawl

Or why she’s ridin in the middle of a pickup truck
Blarin Hank Jr. yellin, “Turn it up!”
They raised her up a lady
but there’s one thing they couldn’t avoid
Ladies love country boys

(oooh, get country with it)

You can train ‘em
You can try to teach ‘em right from wrong
But it’s still gonna turn ‘em on

When they go ridin in the middle of a pickup truck
Blarin Lynyrd Skynyrd yellin, “Turn it up!”
You can raise her up a lady
but there’s one thing you jus can’t avoid
Ladies love country boys

They love us country boys
Ooooooh yeah
It's that country thing you know

The Lunch Box Crew

this morning jffn received his care package at work. I wasn't as early as i have been before, but i still figured i would get there before he did, so i was a little stymied to see him not only there, but actually sitting at his desk.

me: uh. mornin', jeff.
jeff: morning.[type-type-type]
me:you're not supposed to be here yet.
jeff: i'm not?
me:nope. Hey, look! It's Elvis!!
jeff: [weird look right at me] Huh?
me: never mind. just ... um... close your eyes.
jeff: [closes eyes] Why? Am I going to get a surprise?
me:[exasperated] uh. no! [places care package on desk]
jeff: Can i open my eyes yet?
me: nope. [leaves office, giggling]

later he told me that i am "the coolest lady ever." i confess that when i was putting it together, i had laughed and smiled and gotten all sortsa frustrated until i found Just The Right Shirt (and in the right size, too). I told Dave that i was pretty certain that i was having far more fun putting the care package together than anyone would have in receiving it.

i think perhaps i was wrong, and it feels quite fine.

and, did i mention that i'm a ninja? cuz i am. just ask jffn.

it's funny. laugh.

Last night the boys and i went to see Barnyard, a movie that i thought i was completely uninterested in. Frankly, i was more in the mood to watch Snakes on a Plane, but i didn't think that taking them to a movie filled with SamuelJacksonLanguage was really the ticket. Barnyard turned out to be truly funny, and we laughed out loud repeatedly along with the other two families in the theatre. Miles the mule (voice by Danny Glover) was my favorite.

Bubonic plgue

"Researchers found that the bacterium that caused the deadly disease became more widespread following warmer springs and wetter summers." You mean, kinda like the spring and summer we had here in Virginia this year?

happy tuesday

A guy i worked with at GE pointed out one of the great truths of the universe: You give a girl flowers, and she smiles. No one knows why this is so true, but it is anyway.

on a funnier note, many thanks to shane for sending along this story. I don't care if it's true. I laughed so hard I almost spit out coffee.

I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified,she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my gonads and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Why shouldn't i join the NSA?

It's just the sort of day i'm having, one in which the duality of man (you know, that Jungian thing) seems so apparent.

laughing at tea time

The Thanks for Reminding Why I'm Gay post had me cackling out loud at the desk. It didn't hurt that it was only ten minutes before quitting time. Or that I was wearing a red clown nose. (Don't ask.)

what am i doing listening to this again?

back when i was an involuntary inpatient at one of the fine psychological wellness centers (read: committed), there was one album i listened to repeatedly that helped: Suzanne Vega's title album. I don't think there's anything particularly special about it other than that for some strange reason it really spoke to me at the time. It helped me remember there was a rhythm of life beyond the locked doors, the iron barred windows and the orderlies with their medications. Back then, my theme song was "Small Blue Thing," even though my favourite song on the album is bar none "the queen and the soldier."

that and coloured pencils.

Listening to it again today, I'm enjoying "Marlena on the Wall" far more than I probably should.

puh-LEEZ!

this is just too effin much. apple is cool and stuff, but this is ridiculous. thanks to kn0w1 for sending a little righteous indignation my way. now all i need is a little techno and i'll be done with my work before noon.

A good time was had by all

I listenined to Four Bitchin' Babes while i got ready for the party. I swear they are one of my favorite bands, and yes, i'm such a dork that i was actually laughing out loud at them, with no one else in the house.

I’m still waiting on the pictures from kn0w1, but the Dragon party was a ball. He was tired around the time it all started, and there we were, eating fruit and minestrone soup and talking about how beautiful a day it was. By the time we all walked down to Pop’s for iced cream, I thought Dragon might fall asleep right there in his Birthday Banana Split.

Hits of the day were the laser tag set (we now are under orders to clear out the basement and turn it into a laser tag theatre) and the iPod with batman skin. Dragon is looking forward to being able to listen to everything from Charlotte’s Web to Lord of the Rings without bothering anyone.

Artsie brought butterflies to the pot luck portion of the party, and this morning I woke up to a bird on the pillow next to me. She and I really need to have a talk.

introvert's day

the rain and grey are just what i needed today. i'm finishing up at work and it hit me that in two weeks i'll be leaving for the beach, and i'm ever-so looking forward to it. Dragon's birthday is this weekend, and while i'm not in a particularly partysome mood, i know it will be a wonderful celebration indeed.

i have been talking with my grandmother extensively lately, and last night she was in my dreams, talking and smoking and laughing with me at the dining table in her house, the table that has been donated long ago, and the house that none of us owns anymore, but it still my closest approximation of a hometown. it was a heartfelt homecoming, and at one point i woke up with tears of friendship and relief on my face, right around the time of the thunderstorm.

by the time i woke up this morning, Little Nibs was wrapped around my hair, purring contentedly on my pillow and i went to work with pillows and sheets still marking my face, but a calm stillness in my soul that has been missing for too long.

happy friday.

country matters

Today i made a big honking presentation at work. Thank the gods it seemed to go well. In fact, it went so well that i was done around ten. (think good employment thoughts for me, since i haven't heard anything official yet, even though they are including me in the planning for office space.)

After work i changed out of professional mode and went for a drive in the country, listening to Natalie McMaster. i saw and felt some of the most beautiful, restorive moments i can ever remember, and as much as i love my neighborhood, it was hard to come home and stay. i ended up writing quite a bit, and even though i wa frustrated, i realized that the true beauty of my house is that it is a home.

cat update: Artsie has graduated from bringing in gifts of crickets and moved on to birds. i thought i had finally convinced her that she needed to eat outside (and not on the dining table!). Then i finished writing the above paragraph and realized there are feathers underneath the table. Somehow, i think she would be equally happy moving out to some place with a creek.

I think we all would.

Happy birthday Jaime!

Jaime is the big three-oh!

WIsh i were there to give you a rocking party, darlin.

recharged

what a fantastic weekend. i did what i wanted, when i wanted to do it, and there was an easy pace to reading(books one and two of The Bartimeus Trilogy), napping (frequently), thinking about the thesis (got some good notes, too) walking the neighborhood, visiting with kn0w1 and tree. tree helped me bathe the cats, and they now smell wonderfully fresh and have nearly forgiven me for putting them In The Water.

kn0w1 gave me a new song. It's techno and totally NSFW and i adore it. geeks are the best.

estrogen lunch

Lunch with Karen and Katrina was just perfect today. I found out that Katrina lives mere blocks from me, and we seem to get along even better than we first suspected.

The whole summer seems to be filled with wonderful moments, wonderful people and wonderful days.

The only thing i want for is rain.

blame it on dave

dave convinced me to listen to a bit of country. it's a long story, but the point is that i came home tonight and downloaded Cry. It's absolutely excellent, and frankly, the song Free is good enough to join the ranks of Morphine's You Look Like Rain. i'm posting the lyrics, but honest: you so have to hear it.

I had it tough when I was just a little kid
It didn't matter what I thought
It didn't matter what I did
I felt the doubt for what I lacked right from the start
It did a number on my head but it could never touch my heart
'Cause I had just enough imagination
Just enough to keep the faith
That somehow I would think of what to do
When I'd get lost in a momentary weakness of emotion
All the angels came around to help me through
Life blows fast changes, wind blows past pages
All I see is I don't need this
High strung tightrope walk, ticking time bomb clock
Scratch my name off, cut these chains

I'm free.. kicking out of that prision
I am free.. singing those words of wisdom
Let it be.. nobodys gonna put the blues inside of me

And in the stress to be the best I've done it all
I've slammed the doors, I've jammed the locks
I've laid the bricks, I've built the walls
Nobone could tell me back then why joy eluded me
Kept bumping into that misery locked up deep down inside of me
Took that rage and I, turned that page and I
Packed my tools, went back to school
And I passed my graduation, and I hold my PH.D
In crash test blues I paid those dues



Time flies by in photographs and paper scraps and songs
Here I stand in ruby slippers, three taps takes me home

revisiting

three years ago, i went rappelling and rock climbing and caving and tubing, each of them all for the first time, all in a single day. it was brilliant, and i think did more to help me find who i am than anything.

here's what i wrote the day after:

Beautiful skerry

At the top of the rock’s steep face, I looked out across nearly a mile of visibility of the New River as it wended toward me and then away again, falling over the rapids. People in innertubes landed on the gentle skerry, basking in the sun before descending the rapids, the rocks part of the same ridge which rose so high above them once out of the river, on which I now perched. I was wholly fetched with the view. The people were small, but not tiny. It was a perfectly good rock face, a delightful spot for something mundane, perhaps a picnic by day or star gazing by night. It was a perfectly good rock face.

It seemed a shame to jump off it.

The river wasn’t there to catch us. We had climbed and at points scrambled (I did more scrambling than the others, I’ll warrant), up this beautiful rocky ridge, this piece of it called Fool’s Face. It was a face indeed, one which angled back under itself at the outcropping. I loved being up there. I wasn’t so thrilled at the idea of going over the edge.

Granted, we had rappelling ropes, and people who had done this before, and I signed up to do this. I really wanted to just slip so easily over the lip of the rock, balancing my weight on a single rope, held by a harness of a strap knotted in bizarre and intimate configuration about my hips. "Call out: ‘Rope One, Ready To Rappel,’"he told me. I could hear the title case, and I opened my mouth to repeat the words, innocent enough as they seemed. But my throat simply closed up, not willing to lie. I wasn’t. I wasn’t ready to rappel. I wasn’t ready at all. I wasn’t ready.

"What if I accidentally let go with my right hand?" I asked. Aaron looked at me, all calm as he leaned back into his harness, one hand resting lightly on the rope securing him to the top of the face, only the arches of his feet balancing delicately on the sharp edge of the rock preventing him from plummeting down and down. "You won’t." The quiet certainty of his voice, calm as a spring breeze and as soothing, did little to shed the images of leaning over the Dominion Tower decades ago, of dark thoughts on dark nights at the overlook at the star, or all the times I had ever confused left and right, and all the times I had ever dropped anything. Ignoring the parade of my own clumsiness going along in my mind, I scooted backward on my knees again toward the lip. I got closer to the edge this time before the survival instinct sent images my way once more, my mind a mute, passive receiver of all the reasons I really should find anything else to do.

I sat back and faced him again. "I’m scared." I looked into his face through my sunglasses, as honest about anything as I had ever been. The calm blue sky received the clouds drifting across its canvas, nearly apace with the current lapping along, just behind his shoulders. He seemed more a part of the world which framed him than of anything remotely related to my swiftly beating heart and swirling thoughts. "It is scary." I was surprised not to hear anything other than recognition in his voice. No shrugs, no dismissal, nothing other than naming something for what it is. "This is the hardest part. And we can take all day if that’s how long it takes. Or we can turn it around and not do it." That calmed me down. He told me about John with the rope at the bottom, acting as a belay. He told me he would go down with me, right next to me. The rush in my ears was gone as he looked at me. "It’s really just whenever you find enough gumption to go over. Take all the time you need." With all the patience of a glacier, he rested, looking at me, leaning back against the lip. I wasn’t convinced he wouldn’t be able to fly if he chose to.

Oh hell. I’m sort of known for gumption.

The face bit and grabbed back at my handhold as I slipped over the edge, then let go with my left hand altogether, bumping, sliding, gliding down the rope, the face slipping away under itself until I couldn’t even push it with my feet. The stone was beautiful, impervious and austere as the wind caressed me, the world dropping away and all its cares with it, an oasis of stillness enveloping me where only the face, the rope and my suddenly-comfortable harness cradled my body. I wasn’t convinced I wouldn’t be able to fly if I chose to.

The ground found me, disappointed me as I let go of the rope and found Aaron looking at me, a smiling question all over his delighted, no-quite-smug face. "That was wonderful." I handed him the rope after I loosened my eight from it. [all these new terms and words: eights, belays, 'biner; it’s all really about not dying. And about living on your own terms.] It was wonderful indeed.

Men's rules

A friend and i were talking, and i was called out on quoting from the men's rules. True enough. I did some digging and found a copy complete with my responses.

• Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
• YAY! I’m all about personal responsibility. Now, when the cat knocks your razor into the drink, don’t complain. And no, I will not be fishing it out.
  
• Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again
• How about presence instead of presents? Give it a try.
• Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
• Cool. Sometimes I’m not thinking about you. Sometimes, I’m even thinking of another man, even in intimate situations. Live with it.
• Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
• Great. Which team are we rooting for? If you want it to be a guy thing, that’s cool too. Just don’t expect me to be thrilled when you invite them all over, especially if that means I come home to trails of popcorn, beer cans, and sweat sock stains on the coffee table. It’s not a locker room, it’s a living room. Grow up or go to the sports bar down the street where people are paid to clean up your mess.
• Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
• Really? How cool is that. You could let us know before you pop the question, of course. That would fall under “general communication” in the relationship pages.
• Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
• Nice. Take me to a nice restaurant and a play on our anniversary. Tell me I’m more beautiful than the day we got married. Tell me you have known many women, but only one worth knowing. And don’t game while there are dirty dishes in the sink.
• We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
• Cool, me either. But that’s what calendars are for. Introduce yourself to the concept.
• Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• Neat! We’re glad you get it. Dispel your road rage and your work-related ulcer before you walk in the door. Mention being stressed out only if you want to talk about it. It’s what we do. Don’t expect to have grudge sex when you walk in the door just because some creep cut you off in traffic or you got passed over for a promotion. It’s not our way. Deal.
• A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
• Amen!! And please do not try to lay siege to my clitoris. There are other things that need to go on. Like talking, or letting go of my day, before I can embrace you, let alone let you down on the girl. And please, please please, do not do The Same Old Thing.
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
• I’m sorry. Did you say something?
• If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
• What? Having affairs pop out of the woodwork every third season? No thanks. But if I dress like a Victoria’s Secret girl, don’t tell me the game is on and you’ll be back later.
• If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
• There is only one answer to the question “Is my butt big?” The answer is no, and you should be able to deliver it believably in the middle of sound sleep, even while dreaming of angelia jolie. Yes, I know her butt is smaller than mine, even when she is pregnant and I am not. The point is that I’m not in my right mind, or I never would have asked the question.
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
• YES! Us too.
• Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
• YES! Us too.
• You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
• Fair. How about never having to hear that you could make X when I want to buy it unless it comes with a delivery date and a cost estimate?
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
• What was that? I was reading.
• Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
• Unh, huh. And when you can’t find my clitoris, I’m supposed to let you fumble for half an hour, get sore from the looking, try to say gently once again no, honey, that’s still not it, and then hear that I am frigid since I didn’t get off in the right way to make you want to continue having sex. Please reconsider this attitude. Or not. It’s your sex life.
• The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
• Pffft. My girlfriends and I, like girls the world over, talk about the real things: sex and money, and in great detail. Get used to it.
• ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
• Good. I will no longer have to paint my nails, as they come in colors only seen by dogs.
• If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
• If it bleeds, it bleeds. We’re okay with that. Don’t ask us to be otherwise.
• We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
• Policy suggestion: I won’t ask you to read my mind and in return I won’t read yours. Frankly, it’s not fit for a public library in there, anyway.
• If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
• Ditto. SO quit grousing because you had a shitty day at work. I didn’t do it to you.
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
• Agreed.
• Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
• Don’t ask me what I’m doing unless you are prepared to hear about stock plan optimization, home repair, schooling issues, or how cool it would be if you sucked on my nipples more often. That’s where our heads are. All the time.
• Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
• Fine. But foreign films are sexier. You might get lucky if you put up with one a couple times a year.
• BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
• Please. Handbags are not exciting except that they allow us better organization of all the paperwork detritus that you can’t be bothered with. We are starting a movement to go to wallets and nothing more. Beer is still not exciting unless you are brewing it yourself.
• Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.
• Only with fewer bugs. Don’t disturb the dog.
  

yet another quiz

Which CSI Character Are You?

You're Warrick Brown.
Take this quiz!








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birthday update pending. for know, just know that it was a ball, all weekend long.

follow up

Future Boy's article on San Francisco planned walking neighborhoods tells an account that is both interesting and possibly very lucrative, all while being better on the environment. Walking neighborhood development is quite the industry, and one I would rate as a Very Good Investment. Of course, i haev to disclose that i already feel that way, and bought a house in a walking neighborhood for that very reason. The only real thing that will work against such neighborhoods is the inherent laziness that we have come to evince as a group. When one lives in a walking neighborhood, it doesn't make good sense to drive to the mall to shop: not only does such activity go against The Plan, it also leaves neighborhood businesses without the business they require to stay in business. While it's a nice feeling to have participated in the local economy, it is also very good sense. Communities that thrive have lower crime rate, and property values continue to rise. All that and hand-dipped ice cream, too. What could be better?

lonley americans?

Robert Putnam, author of the notable Bowling Alone, is at it again, only this time he might actually get it right. Instead of tackling lack of membership in a bowling league though, this time he is talking about those with whom we talk [free registration required, or use mine. user: whatsit4 pass: nytimes]

One hopes that Putnam's latest analysis will point out that before the 50's, families didn't move around, who was picking up the kids from daycare was never even a topic, let alone a worry, and healthcare issues weren't really issues. Frankly, Generation X and beyond has found itself the inheritor of a society that has dashed its old ways without really thinking about how it will create new ones. We know what we want (friends and family, not coworkers and commutes; community not coporate suites; homes, not mass-marketed houses; and leisure, not paid time off) but we aren't certain how to go about getting it.

The good news is that as more of us join forces, even if only as two spouses, or the small-but-true family of a single parent and a child or two, we are making our preferences known. It's not a movement; it's a reality. the pressures of rising gas prices and daycare prices (especially when combined with diminishing quality and increasing fear of abuse in centers) has combined to generate a picture wherein it borders on pushing us out of the traditional workplace altogether. We aren't "ganging up on the system" as Hippies did in Woodstock Nation. but Gen X'ers have had to live together in uncoventional ways since they graduated from college. Steve Jackson's wonderfully hysterical and all-too-true Chez Geek is built on that weird nineties reality where we all crammed two-to-a-bedroom in the apartment and had a job or three. Now that the first of them are graduating to their forties, they come with a different perspective, and the way they choose to solve their problems will be different historically, but won't really seem that way to each other or to the generations which immediately follow.

Housing realities have hit the bizzare realm. In larger cities, sometimes it doesn't seem to matter if you do everything you are 'supposed to do,' you still find yourself on the outs.

The neat thing is that there are places and devlopers that are taking these preferences into account, and deliberate walking communities are being planned. In other places, young people are moving into older traditional neighborhoods, buying homes at lower-than-average market prices, and turning the whole thing into a revitalized neighborhood center. I don't see many lonely Americans in my neighborhood, even though i might not know or celebrate the birthdays of everyone on the block.

I work 20 hours a week. Is it enough to support my family? Heck no, but i'm not going to change it, either. in a world where health benefits are a pipe dream and public schools an emotional and educational wasteland, I really don't see how I could feasibly work more than that regularly. I would like to qualify to work at my skill level, which would more than double what I make without requiring an hour more of my time at the office. I like homeschooling the boys. I like being part of my neighborhood. I like seeing my home during the daylight hours. I like not being so wiped out when i get back from the office that i can't cook or play games with family and friends.

Call me crazy.

duh.

What Farscape Character are you?

Independence Day

On July 15, world leaders have the opportunity to honor their committments to make poverty history, all with a stroke of the pen. Every three minutes a person dies from poverty-related illness. This isn't just a statistic, but a person. How many people do you know? If we had been born in a poverty-stricken area, how long would it take before everyone you knew were gone? Sign the petition to let the leaders of the world know that everyone deserves independence from poverty. Your voice matters.

contractually speaking

The boys and i like to game, quite a bit. In respect for that, and out of respect for wanting to be able to keep gaming at home, without destroying the house through the common-enough game-driven entropy that is so often the side effect of gaming, i have created the contract below. The way i figure it, if we can't manage our electives, they will manage us, and that's not a very fun place to be when we come back to the real world. [Wouldn't it be nice to be able to point and click at the laundry and dishes? I mean, I just know i'm high enough level!]

Before gaming, I will:

• Do my homework
• Put away my toys
• Put away my books, clothes, notebooks, etc.
• Check the trash and take it out if need be
• Complete my chore of the day
• Check the dishes
• Set out anything I need fo rthe next day

Gaming, like living in a house, is not free. Because I have the luxury of doing both, I will contribute $X to the household account (not to be used for gaming, as that comes out of one's allowance). I also understand that living in a house means interacting with the people in it. I will not game more than two hours a day, with the understanding that two hours of gaming is unlikely to happen on any weekday, given the above list of responsibilities.

This Contract is a representation of my willingness to remain a responsible person in our household. I do not expect anyone else to enforce it, and i promise to keep my word. I do expect that if i do not prove myself responible in these matters, I will no longer enjoy the privilege of gaming.

Yes, i do plan on printing it, letting them fill in the amount elected to the household maintenance fund, and having them sign it. Mine will be posted just above my laptop, since I sometimes need the not-so-gentle reminder.

restorative night

kn0w1 came over and brought the files i was downloading, saving me several hours and no small amount of yawning -- his company is far more intereting than watching the little download manager. Then, instead of playing games, we invited tree over for an impromtu dinner of salad, corn and stir fry. gracious it was good to hang out and talk. instead of doing dishes after, tree and i sat on the swing and chatted. honestly, she has come to be family. then we pulled kn0w1 back off the computer and i introduced them to Chez Geek, and a raucous good time was had by all.

let's do it again, and soon.

silly quiz while downloading

You scored as Lt. Kara Thrace (Starbuck).
You are the best damn Viper pilot in the fleet, so everyone else can just frack off. They need you, not the other way around. Maybe if you keep pushing people away they won't get close, because that is scary and it hurts. Oh yes, and anyone who has a problem with you being a woman needs to just get over it.

YAY for family

kn0w1 r0x0rz.

you have my word on it.

rainy days and mondays

i begged for rain. i prayed, made sacrifices to the gods, even thought about waxing the car. apparently it worked, but perhaps a bit too well. even calvin is a bit irked. bit no matter. despite the fact that Mags was flooded in, and most of the nation's capitol was closed from flooding, i'm happy, and darn it, that's what matters.

what to do with myself other than listen to the rain and drink tea?

Deadwood and primal scream therapy

You scored as Seth Bullock. You didn't want to be sheriff, but someone had to do it. You wish you didn't have such a high moral compass, because you just want to sit in the background. However, in this town someone needs to step up, and if no one else will, that only leaves you. If evil only needs the good to do nothing, you won't watch from the sidelines. (Seth Bullock is played by Timothy Olyphant)

Seth Bullock

100%
Doc Cochran		94%
Trixie		88%
Alma Garret		63%
Calamity Jane		56%
Mr Wu		50%
Joanie Stubbs		50%
Cy Tolliver		44%
Al Swearengen		25%
E. B. Farnum		13%

What kind of (Deadwood) Cocksucker are you?
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i don't know about you, but i'm getting right tired of the heat.

Mags took me to lunch today, which was a brilliant affair, once it was cool enough to eat the whole thing. honestly, if the storm promised doesn't arrive soon, i think i'm going to scream. i did scream, earlier, after having dropped the boys at a most-unwilling Phillip's apartment -- he was playing WOW and couldn't be bothered. Since i'm doing all the work of the man as well as the woman in this little arrangement, i told him that the boys needed to be dropped at camp at 9 and picked up at 16:00, with lunches and snacks (both afternoon and morning), and that the arrangement would change when i didn't have a job or he did have one. he can keep his paltry-assed excuse of child support in return.we all know he's planning on heading home to hide behind his mama's skirts any old way.

When i got home, i noticed how powerful our ceiling fans are. They've each of them been on the highest setting since yesterday, and frankly i'm surprised that the house hasn't lifted off.

While the boys are at phillip's (who at least has air conditioning), i'm watching The Sopranos. I'm starting at season one, so please don't give anything away.

kinda like a nude beach, only without the sand

at almost 20:00, it's still 95°. the only sensible thing to do when we came home was to

• be very very quiet
• run a tepid bath with salts
• soak
• drip dry, spread out under one of the ceiling fans while the other household members took their turns to do the same
• repeat

We've been at it since five-thirty or so.

After summer camp, we attended the science museum's annual member's meeting. We were treated to meeting the new director, an active and inspired (and no small amount inspiring) woman named Nancy. After hearing all the cool things on the agenda for the coming year, we were no small amount excited and it was a bit hard to sit still until they outened the lights in the planetarium and gave us a sneak preview of the laser light show, which was pretty cool. Tomorrow in camp they are going on a field trip to launch rockets, and that will end the Look to the Sky week.

happy solstice

it's hot. they boys and i watched the MegaDome production of Volcanoes of the Deep Sea after i picked them up from science camp. they love camp and i'm liking my new temp job, and so for this week, all seems to be well.

i just finished the last episode of Deadwood, season two. even though this series strikes me as having turrett's, it has grown on me with each episode, and i'm glad it started a third season.

Cooking and dining in the summer has always been a challenge for me, as i seem to wilt like unwatered leaves when the humidity spikes. One of the best things about having the boys' camp downtown is that we get to pick through the farmer's market on the way home. We have gotten quite used to it, and while dinners are a bit odd (tonight was focaccia, bruschetta, cheese and fresh sweet corn on the cob), they are tasty and restorative.

long time no see

yeah, ok, so it's been two months since i've posted. a girl gets busy, you know. but between the house cleaning and the bill paying and the sorting out of my life and the abysmal attempts at making my thesis work, i got shaken out my apathy. perhaps it was that trip to the beach i just got back from (delightful -- totally perfect; i'm counting the days until i go back). so here's the link of the day that had me chuckling to myself while doing the Huge Stack O Dishes tonight. i just couldn't shake it.

happy monday.

the universe, the house, and the whole damned thing

Yesterday, as I was grinding coffee beans, the grinder quit. Just *poof* in the middle of it all. I groaned, thinking the grinder had given up the ghost, even though it was a mere 16 years old. [It was a wedding present from my first marriage. It's outlasted that marriage and the others, many relationships and moves, and still it's with me.] Then I noticed that nothing was working. A bigger groan escaped as I realized the electricity was out. Figuring I had spaced on paying my bill, I collected my phone, my credit card and searched up a bill. The date on the bill clearly read that i had until the beginning of May until late charges were assessed. I double checked: yup, May, 2006. by the time I got the electric company on the line, I was more than a bit confused. Apparently the company had turned off my utility by accident.

Instead of getting angry or frustrated, I took it as a sign from the universe. I paid my bill, was gracious and kind to the apologetic customer service representative, and assured her that as long as the electricity were restored by dinner, all would be well. She regretted that she couldn't gurantee a time.

I paid all my utilities in advance {not one to take the universe's message lightly} and then the boys and I sallied forth to replace the yard-sale microwave we picked up over three years ago. In the process, we stumbled upon Spider Man and Batman costumes, not only in the correct sizes, but on sale, no less. Later in the afternoon, we were in Fresh Market, selecting broccolini when Butch-the-produce-guy came up and asked spidey and the caped crusader for their autographs.

They were enthralled, of course, and obliged.

Fear not, Gotham City. You may sleep well and safely tonight.

With all the work we have done on the house, you would think there wouldn't be anything left to do but sit back and enjoy it. Wrong. We have worked to the bone again today. Where does all this stuff come from? Anyway, after a week, the laundry room is clean and folded and sorted once more. The dry cleaning is sorted out and awaiting drop off at the cleaners. The dishes are done, and i can see more of the dining room; just enough still remains that i feel as though i have dropped the ball somehow.

With a wind advisory on the horizon yesterday, I covered the tender tomato plants and wrapped towels around the fruit bushes. I uncovered them today and they seem much better for it all, and perked up mightiliy when given a drink. Jean-Luc continues to poke holes in the fence and i continue to nail the boards back in place. There has to be a better solution, but this is working for now -- it has sort of become a morning ritual for me.

When The Heroes and I went into the used bookstore on Grandin, they selected a book for me. Confessions of SuperMom was funny and light and a great foil to all this working thing we've been doing. There's still plenty left to do, but I feel confident that my team of superfriends and i can tackle it.

good books, but weird

I'm reading Tim Powers' Last Call. It's a book about gambling and drinking and fate and life and magical meaning and the choices we make. it's amazing, but I can't seem to read much more than 25 pages without drifting off and having bizarre, important-seeming dreams which i can then, of course, not quite remember. Having won the world fantasy award (i din't even know there was such a thing) over a decade ago, I can't quite figure out why i haven't heard of the work or the author, but am glad to have it now. It ranks up there with Little, Big and American Gods.

Read at your own risk.

work day

Just as we finished our work today, the winds picked up. We tucked the garden plants in under sheets and towels and settled in to watch the first Horatio Hornblower story.

What a fantastic hero he is.

The boys and I worked ourselves to near exhaustion on Saturday. By the time Wren and Allen showed up to pick up the dogs for our carpool to D&D, we were weary beyond belief. But there are several dozen new bulbs planted and the laundry is all clean and upstairs, mostly put away, even. Many thanks to Wren and Allen for not letting us become slugs in the den.

We sallied forth to Jax & Mags, and by the time we arrived, our attitudes had already started to improve. The dinner was wonderful and restorative as much as was the company. The dogs had a wonderful time, and we all enjoyed the campaign. After the boys were tucked in, we adults played Chez Geek, a game that had us in stitches until four a.m., which turned out actually to be five.

This morning dawned even more beautiful than yesterday, and breakfast was a calm, restful and delicious affair. After clean-up, I read and fell asleep on the sofa with Tiger and Cordelia while everyone else played outside. I hear a bubble wand sword was involved. I am so glad I went. I feel like a new person, ready to tackle the coming week. What a blessing to have such a great community.

wow.

what a day. i'm beat. i can't believe the boys aren't falling over with exhaustion; i certainly am. many thanks to Wren and Aldemere for coming over and spending a project day with us. Not only did we get stuff done in the house, we also have a garden. We planted potatoes, tomatoes, basil, carrots, nasturtiums, lettuces, onions, beans and peas. There are two hydrangea bushes yet to plant out front, and the pumpkin seeds didn't make it into the ground yet, but the bed is prepared. Dragon chose two blueberry bushes and Tiger planted two raspberry bushes.

After washing up, I made Paradise Burgers for dinner, complete with a fantastic salad and mashed potatoes. We were all too pooped to play games and I barely remember bathing the boys, but i know that i did. I have no idea how, but it seems that the house is actually coming together. It feels wonderful.

I never thought I'd say it, but I think I'm too tired to read.

some days

some days i remember why i work so hard at such seemingly mundane tasks as getting the laundry and dishes done. today was one of those days. i hope you have one of your own soon.

it's a good day to be alive.

wednesday

We've been working on the house. It seems the downstairs, after eighteen months of water damage-induced upheaval, might actually be a reasonable downstairs once again. Many thanks to Wren for helping out and laughing when i said insane things, usually on behlaf of the clutter, usually after we had worked until we were weary. [That's nice, ma'am, but where do the games go?]

There is still a bit to be done, not the least of which involves replacing my it-was-on-its-last-leg-when-i-got-it-at-a-yard-sale-three-years-ago microwave. i'm thinking of getting one of those under the counter deals. Now that I can see the kitchen, I might as well make use of it.

Anyone who wants to help with the last few big tasks, please let me know. There is still painting to be done in the den, the tiles need to be made and put up at the sink, and sometime in the coming week i hope to buy the flooring for the kitchen. I'd like to put up molding in the dining room to cover up the plaster that got on the wall, and there's a bunch of furniture from the downstairs office to be taken upstairs.

and shelves to build, of course.

as if

as if i needed any more books, i received my shipment from powells that i placed ever so long ago. it was a nice surprise, but it does seem as though i'm going to have to make a section dedicated to murder mysteries.

Weekend Respite

After turning in my thesis stuff, i went out to visit Rob. That should be it's own post, i'm certain, but for now i'll just say "Show 'em to Charlie Murphy."

I met with my professor and all seems well. I have a direction, a couple new books to consult, and still feel as though i'm floating around in uncharted waters, but that's because i am.

After that, I settled in to some serious A-V catch-up. I'm now halfway through the second season of Farscape (loved the princess episodes!) and have seen Walk the Line, Crash, and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Hopefully sometime tonight i'll get to see Good Night and Good luck, and i'm due for another dose of Love Me If You Dare before i get to The Squid and the Whale, which i simply can't wait to see come in its little Netflix envelope.

o, and i have a score in the mid 8K range for 8 letters in search of a word. i'd be playing it more, but Tiger is officially hooked, too.

World Water Day

Over one billion people don't have access to clean, safe drinking water. Take a moment today to think about how your life would change if you were forced to live without water.

There are many ways our actions impact the amount of clean water available, from the way we are at the taps to purchase of products with more or less packaging, which uses water in its creation and threatens clean water supplies in its disposal.

Water. It matters.

introductions

boggle, meet tetris; tetris, boggle.

i can quit any time i want to.

midweek regroup

Yesterday was a whirlwind of one thing after another, seemingly hourly at times. Once the boys were safely at school, on time with lunches, i showered, cleaned up the house a bit and read. We had a nice quiet dinner of Paradise Burgers. Tiger told me all about his plans to open a comedy club. Dragon wants to bake the cakes for it and start a catering service out of it, "you know, where people can come and order Fancy Cakes."

They are so cool.

car news

i finally have charlotte the jeep back, and it feels ever so good. When i came out of fresh market yesterday, i noticed that someone sometime had crunched the front panel of the rental car. I called phillip and told him about it and his response was that the insurance will just have to cover it. thinking that was that, i turned the rental in today and left phillip's information about insurance. he now wants to keep the insurance money from the settlement that is supposed to cover body work on charlotte and instead use it for the deductble on the rental. whatever.

i feel as though i should be wearing Dragon's favorite tee shirt which reads "Future Millionaire. Can I borrow a dollar?"

The kitchen work is progressing. The new dishwasher is installed and the magnetic primer is up. The cabinets have been moved over and look great; I can't wait to see them with a fresh coat of paint.

I start physical therapy next week unless they have a cancellation sooner. i'm looking forward to it, since from top to bottom i feel all off-kilter.

pi day

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DST, revisited

i know i'm in the vast minority here, not being "sunnier" during Daylight Saving Time. Ben Franklin oringinally only conceived of it for a few months, and then in jest -- actually he was proposing that people change their habits (getting up earlier and going to bed earlier) rather than changing the clock. William Willett was the first to propose what we think of as DST, but had difficulty getting the brits to take him seriously.

The Germans had no problem with the idea, however odd it might have seemed, and adopted the measure during the first world war. The UK followed suit that same year (1916), and then two years later the US did as well, also codifying the time zones. The original DST in the US began in late March and lasted seven months during 1918 and 1919,but was repealed due to overwhelming unpopularity.

By 1966, some 100 million Americans were observing Daylight Saving Time based on their local laws and customs. Congress decided to step in and end the confusion, and established one pattern across the country. The Uniform Time Act of 1966 (15 U.S. Code Section 260a), signed into Public Law 89-387 on April 12, 1966, by President Lyndon Johnson, created Daylight Saving Time to begin on the last Sunday of April and to end on the last Sunday of October. Any State that wanted to be exempt from Daylight Saving Time could do so by passing a state law. [This proviso for allowing states to opt out of federal edicts is a trend we can discuss in another post.]

The oil embargo of 1973 left lots of US citizens thinking about energy, and a study was done showing that DST saved energy. I can't find a link to it, so take it as a random piece from my brain. I also remember that before DST was amended in 1986 to include the first sunday in April that the tourism industry lobbied for this move as well, citing evidence that people were more likely to spend more money on sunny evenings.

then we have the law from last year. yup, energy once again, and now we're back to that original seven months on thing. i'm glad the rest of you find it to be the sunny side of the street. for my part, i find it irksome.

The Energy Policy Act of 2005 was passed by Congress and then signed into law by President George W. Bush on August 8, 2005. Under the new law, Daylight Saving Time begins three weeks earlier than previously, on the second Sunday in March. DST is extended by one week to the first Sunday in November. The new start and stop period begins March 2007.

The original House bill would have added two full months, one in the spring and another in the fall. According to some U.S. senators, farmers complained that a two-month extension could adversely affect livestock, and airline officials said it would have complicated scheduling of international flights. So, a compromise was worked out to start DST on the second Sunday in March and end the first Sunday in November.

Enactment of the Energy Policy Act of 2005 will not alter the rights of the states and territories to choose not to observe Daylight Saving Time.

There's a book that is coming out regarding it, and there is enough hoo-hah surrouding the issue that I think i'll need a copy of Sieze the Daylight. It not only has a great title, it has a website, too.

Thanks to Cormac for the inspiration.

housework

The dishwasher not only isn't functioning anymore, but a leak upped the schedule of repairs. So the cool news is that I'm getting to redo quite a bit of the kitchen. That i didn't really have the money isn't the issue, of course. If I waited until then, I'd go to the grave with the award for longest lasting counters to survive the Second World War.

I'm considering it a birthday present to myself.

going lean, once again

I realized recently that while i was doing the contracting thingi had gotten into the habit of eating out and opting for convenience. there are other spiritual elements that accompanied this, and i think it's about time for me to have a bit of spring cleaning soulfully and with my habits as well as with the house.

i'll keep you posted on how it goes.
today: petrol, $10.

As i looked at my calendar for this week, i realized we're but a month away from going to Daylight Saving Time, at least for this year. Beginning next year, we'll start two weeks earlier, on the second Sunday of March, and end a full month later, on the last Sunday in November. Call me crazy and out of step with the mainstream, but how does extending the amount of darkness during my morning routine help save energy?

One can only hope that some good will come of it, for i certainly am not a fan of the existing six month schedule, let alone its extended cousin-to-be.

house-hold

so many renovations; so little time.

the kitchen might actually get finished this month. no really!

the den is looking up as well, as kn0w1 has offered to help move a couple bits of furniture out with me tomorrow, and i have paint just waiting for the walls.

i still can't decide on living room furniture, as the long couch sits on one end and looms toward the blank space where other, decent, less controversial folks would be thoughtful enough to provide an entertainment center (large and hulking and precluding thought).

i refuse to stress about the bits of the upstairs just now. one obsession at a time, that's my policy.

cures

Ever since the accident, I've been still a little dizzy. Then on Thursday morning, i seem to have developed a stuffiness which has grown into what i would believe was a full-blown attack of allergies, if i had allergies.

i have handled it as Aunt Heidi would prescribe: autumn-garden golden noodle soup and murder mysteries. thank goodness for Too Many Books. When I went in and looked at Linda and said "I need some grisly serial killers to fight off my cold" she knew just what to put in my hands. What could be better?

to market to market

i went to Fresh Market at towers mall today and have to say i'm totally blown away. the store is fantastic, not only because it has so much of what i'm looking for, but because it places organic and high-quality, ethically-minded foods in the most valuable of places. produce that isn't organic is labeled 'conventional.' how cool is that?

i came home with a bunch off food that the boys and i are goingt o cook tonight and tomorrow. soul food and soul cooking.

phones and cars and such

it's official: i now have transportation and communication. i'm not a fan of my new phone, mostly because it isn't my old phone, and i knew where all the buttons were and how to work it. i'll adjust.

many thanks to kn0w1 for taking me through new-phone-hell and to phillip for managing the insurance stuff. thanks to jax and mags for talking and listening and being there. and thanks for lunch at wildflour.

alas alack, i have bought new books, mostly geeky replacements of ones which have gone missing in the past few years, and all of them non-fiction. i also popped in to the new Fresh Fields at towers and am completely impressed. today's work being done, i think i'm headed for a long hot bath and then out for sushi.

hope all is well in your world.

school again school again jiggity jig

i've been reading tons about the idea of justice and the family, about utilitarian ethics and suchlike. yes, i have a thesis in the works again at long last, and this is not simply some random foray into academia. i could use a printer, but that's what libraries and notecards are for after all.

the bibliography and feasibility notes are due next thursday, with the official and formal proposal due at the end of the month. i'm a little intimidated, mind you, but so far it looks as though i have a bit of a framework ofr writing the whole thing, and the thesis statement is coming along nicely. the framework for the first chapter seems to be presenting itself well, and the quotes i have found to date are wonderful, inspiring, and all in all it seems to be flowing.

i'm thrilled.

i have no idea when my official graduation date will be, but i know that professor becker and i would like to see me complete this sometime this summer at the latest, given that i can only reasonably write and research while the boys are at school.

wish me luck, and beware the pending geekinkess on my part.

dear universe

the dear universe has decided that while i am without transportation i ought not have communication either. my phone is quite out of service and will need to be replaced.

fun, eh?

no stuff, there i was, minding my own business.

really! honest!

the boys and i were bringing phillip home from his having dropped off his car at the shop for basic work when we (amazingly enough) joined the long line of cars stopped at the red light. it was a long line, and clearly took a few of us by surprise. the folks behind me left over 30 feet of skid marks before they plowed into the back of Charlotte The Jeep, they were so surprised (and clearly going so quickly toward the intersection).

We are fine. really. i have the x-rays to prove it. i ache like the dickens, given that just as it became apparent that the car would indeed hit us i remembered the ice skates in the cargo area and turned around to look for them. sometimes the subconscious works in weird ways, as twisted around from the front seat is not the ideal impact position. the skates stayed in the cargo area where they belonged, of course, just to prove how silly humans are.

Charlotte runs. She clearly won the argument between her and the white Altima, which lost all of its front bumper and sustained quite a bit of damage in the hood area. The people in the other car are fine as well. Charlotte's exhaust system was scrunched, and she makes horrible rattling noises when she starts up and drives. I am hoping this is related to the exhaust system but am taking no chances and will take her to Wayne The UberMechanic. Think wonderful it's-not-the-drivetrain thoughts for her, please.

Many kudos to phillip and johnny for dealing with the boys and me last night. they were wonderful and deserve a gold star. i'm not certain where the points-and-stars score sheet is located; perhaps i'll need to build a website for it. Kudos to Nana for being school taxi this morning and afternoon. She gets points and stars too. Much love goes to Mags and Jules for being so wonderful and reassuring and accommodating given my lack of transportation. stars and points in abundance to you, m'ladies.

as to the medieveal event in fincastle this weekend: I have arranged a ride and will be attending without the children. I have been assured that even though i'm sore tot he bone, my job is simply to sit around and look regal and at this event i plan to put that to the test. the boys will stay in roanoke as I am not up for managing them during youth combat, even though they are naturally wanting to go. I am certain we can arrange a home-grown whack-a-knight for the boys to feel accommodated in the coming weeks (hint hint, dear chatelaine!). while Tiger is the one most noticeably excited, Dragon is the one with the sneaky little gleam in his eye every time such youth activities are mentioned. We SCAdians should get together and discuss a possible spring event for them, as the boys have a clear event bid put together where it can be All About The Children. I'm looking forward to getting to see such of you as will be in attendance at the event -- please be delicate but forthcoming with the hugs and swoopings (you know who you are).

for those of you expecting to meet with me for lunch or other things this afternoon and evening: i'm not going anywhere. i'll give you a call in the coming week to reschedule. i'll be out of cell reach tonight after 6 or so. i plan on taking a long hot bath tonight, and so will likely not be inclined to sit in front of a computer to check my mail, despite having one available.

i hope your coming weekend is wonderful, whatever you might have planned. for those of you traveling, be careful and well. i'm spending the afternoon reading Terry Pratchett and snuggling with kittens and covers.